Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Do you stand behind, beside or in front of your partner?

This is sparked from the episode of Dr. Phil, yesterday.  To begin with, there were two guests, both women.  They were each on opposite sides of the fence when it came to standing behind your partner or in front. 

One woman said that the man should be king.  He should be in control, he should not be expected to contribute in any way, domestically.  She went as far as to say that it's a turn off to see a man do the dishes.  If a man is going to do anything around the house, it should be done with a hammer, or something comparable.  She failed to mention that her and her husband had just split up after 15 years.

The other woman was on the other side of the fence, she straight out told Dr. Phil that she was the captain.  She was in charge, she ran the show.   She chooses her husbands friends, she tells him what too wear, what to eat, and it seemed like she even maybe even told him when he could and could not breathe.  She was asked if her husband did much to help her around the house, and I think he expected her to say that he does most of it, which is what I expected her to say; but she said no!  He does absolutely nothing around the house, and thats how she likes it, because he would probably do it wrong anyway...WOW!  When asked how long they had been married, she replied with a slight smile "One year"  Someone kindly informed her to wait a few years and she would be asking for his help.  I agree 100%.  No doubt!

So heres my own opinion on that topic.  It might be a little wish washy, and a little confusing, but thats because I'm not quite sure I know, myself.

I am a stay at home mom.  I have two girls in school all day, and I have a two year old at home.  I have a partner who works hard long hours, to support our family, I feel like I should be the one to keep everything running smoothly.  To do that, in this house anyway - that means the cleaning, the cooking, the laundry, the kids homework, the meal planning, the bill paying, the appointments, the budget and pretty much anything else that goes on in the house.  He's always there if I need his help, he's always there to offer support, or to put his two cents in. (sometimes thats not a good thing, just let me cook, please.)  So, I guess some people would look at that as me standing behind him, but in my eyes, Im standing beside him, because we're each contributing to this family, equally.  I don't know if I could stand myself if he left for work in the morning and came home at supper time and the house looked the same as when he left it, and he had to cook for us, and clean, and do laundry.  There was a time when I was feeling a little - out of sorts, we'll just say, and he would do those things.  Once I saw how unfair that was, I had to snap myself out of it, and shape up. 

I know what I need to to for my family, I know that even though they don't show the type of appreciation that I want, it doesnt mean they don't appreciate me at all.  After all, they're kids...and a man.  They have their own way of doing things.  You know the saying, if you want something done right (in other word, your way...which doesn't always = right), you may as well do it yourself; so I do!  I appreciate myself, I tell myself Im doing a great job, and I reward myself with small things.  The rest comes from seeing their smiles when they walk through the door to a clean home, or when I hear a chorus of "Mmmmmmm this is yummmy!" when they take their first bite of supper.

A lot of women seem to struggle with this.  I'm not sure what it is, but I believe it has something to do with the way the society has embraced the whole "woman power" thing.  Women nowadays want to be so strong, and so empowered that they resist anything that *gasp* Im going to say it "traditional women roles" entail.  No one can deny that women have always been the ones to clean the house, cook the meals, and take care of the children.  It's been that way since the beginning of time.  It's only just begun changing in the last little while, and it's been shoved in to the face of our generation of girls that men are less than women.  I am all for equality; men and woman should be 100% equal...or wait...is it 50%? 

That being said; when I finally finish school, and can go out and get a job, I can expect to have 50% of the work load taken off.  I don't think we'll sit down and right a list and make sure it's 50/50, but I know my partner will help out.

Im not sure if I've clarified my view, or if this is a big long rambling post with a bunch of random points mentioned.  Either way, it's fine, this is "Ramblings of a Manic Mommy" after all.  Feel free to comment and add your two cents. 

I'm off to bake some cookies and do some dishes.  ;)

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